Domestic Violence Information

Domestic abuse occurs when one person is an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control he other person. An abuser doesn’t “play fair”. He/she uses fear, guilt, shame and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you. He/she may threaten you, hurt you or hurt those around you. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

Victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be men or women, although women are more commonly victimized. This abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse does not discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds and financial levels/ the abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up or after the relationship has ended. Violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over spouse or partner.

Spousal abuse and battery are used for one purpose – to gain and maintain control over the victim. In addition to physical violence, abusers use the following tactics to exert power over their spouse/partner.

• Dominance – abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child or even as his/her possession.
• Humiliation – an abuser will do everything he/she can to make you feel bad about yourself. If you believe you are worthless and no one else will want you, you’re less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
• Isolation – In order to increase your dependence, an abuse partner will cut you off from the outside world. He/she may keep you from seeing family or friends, or prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere or see anyone.
• Threats – Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children or other family members, or even pets. He/she may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
• Intimidation – Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission (i.e. threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets or putting weapons on display). The clear message is if you don’t obey, there will be violent consequences.
• Denial and Blame – Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive behavior and a bad childhood, bad day and even on the victim of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny it occurred. The abuser will commonly shift the responsibility onto the victim.